Impulsive to the Point of Recklessness

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:45:40 GMT

borrowed from anyasy

Hehe... It's so very very fitting...

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 22:22:33 GMT

I went with a girl from work to get her first tattoo today. I was there for moral support. I kept saying that I was only going in for her. That I wasn't getting anything myself. I didn't have the money to be doing something foolish like that.

I walked out without getting a tattoo. But can I still claim any form of self control if I walked out with a piercing instead? I hope so.

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 05:48:00 GMT

So I had my interview at the Ft.Wayne Kohl's on Sunday and it went really well. So well that she asked when I was available to start and put me down to tentatively get cycled in to the schedule that they're about to start making. Which means that my last day in Michigan is March 15th.

Life is going to be a little chaotic the next couple weeks.

3/4 Work 6-10:30pm
3/5 Work 6:15-10:30 pm
Bar after work until 2am-ish
3/6 Work 6-10:30 pm
3/7 Work 6-11:30 pm
3/8 Work 3-11:30 pm
3/9 Work 1:45-6 pm
3/10 Work 10-4 pm
3/11 Work 4:15-10:30 pm
3/12 Work 4:15-10:30 pm
3/13 Work 1-9 pm
Nationals with Geri, Ducky, and Joey?
3/14 Last minute packing.
Hanging out with Chris?
3/15 Work 10:45-4 pm

I've got a little packing left to do at this point. Mostly clothes and odds and ends. But other then that, I'm fairly ready to leave. Depending if the new store has me on for Sunday or not, I'll either leave after work on Saturday or sometime on Sunday. We'll see how it goes.

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 08:30:23 GMT

So I should be packing. (This seems fairly familiar.) It's 3:30 tonight, a whole half hour earlier then yesterday. But I have to be up at 9. Not fun. I move the furniture tomorrow. The three hour drive down should be interesting.

Hopefully I get everything packed.

It's going to be a very long night...

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 09:02:37 GMT

I should be packing. I figure... since it's already 4 am... I should have had the living room done. The kitchen packed away. And probably had my room fairly far along. Instead... I've got about a quarter of that. I have managed to get my bookshelves empty. They'll be disassembled soon. But I still have entirely too much left. I'd love to go to sleep at this point. A full nights sleep would do me well. But... well...

I potentially have plans for tonight. But they require me to be done packing before I leave for grandma's. Which I was aiming to do by 1. That's... 9 hours away. Given that I actually wanted sleep tonight... I'm seeing a problem.

Maybe if I...

Fuck it. I'm going to bed.

Leaving on a jetplane...

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 01:54:29 GMT

Well, not really. More like leaving in a uhaul. But the sentiment remains.

I'm moving to Indiana next month. The furniture is being moved down this weekend. I'm sticking around long enough for my transfer to go through at work. Which currently puts the official move out date sometime in mid to late March.

I'm moving in with a friend of mine who just bought a house. I'm hugely excited and can't wait to get down there. I know a few people have expressed interest in hanging out before I leave. I'm working some crazy hours at work to try and finance this whole move, but if you want to hang out, just let me know.

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 00:30:31 GMT

Hell of a story to tell tonight. But it'll have to wait until after I dismantle my apartment. And oh how I look forward to it.

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 07:40:53 GMT

Happy Valentines Day all. The day has started well enough with drinks with a girl from work. Now for a bit of sleep. After sleep, a short shift of work and then a date. Sounds like a pretty good day to me.

<3 for all!

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 05:48:30 GMT

I'd forgotten how much fun it could be to go out with a friend from work and just drink and have a good time. And then come home and continue drinking. And having a god time.

Yay for a good night!

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 06:32:23 GMT

So this has to have been the most awesome weekend I've had in ages. Some of the guildies decided that it'd be a good weekend to have a lan party in Dayton. So I drove to Ann Arbor to pick up Tikor, and we drove to Dayton from there. And I've spent the weekend hanging out playing computer games, a couple random board type games, and eating.

And it's been wonderful. I've loved not having to deal with any craziness. No worrying about the apartment, or work, or roommates, or money or family. It's been... peaceful. And awesome.

Also... looking more and more likely that I'll be heading to Indiana when the lease runs up. So come the end of April... might be picking up and taking off.

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 05:51:33 GMT

So... I don't mind my roommates most of the time. But lately, they've been getting on my nerves more and more often.

I like to think I've lightened up alot since I lived with Geri. I was seriously a Nazi to live with back then. Entirely too OCD for my own good. But I still like to have the apartment somewhat clean. It means that if I have friends coming over, I don't have to worry about having to clean off a place for them to sit, or looking like a slob. I just like not living in a dump. This is apparently a very difficult concept for either of them seeing as the apartment can't seem to stay clean more then a couple hours at most.

New Years I went to Indiana to hang out with friends. I left a couple days before and came home the day after. Since they were gone the week and a half prior to hang out with families, I took the opportunity to clean the apartment. Everything got a good vacuuming and general scrubbing. I knew that they were having a couple friends over for New Years which was fine with me. Before I left, I told them that I didn't care who came over so long as the apartment was still clean when I got home. Needless to say I got a bullshit excuse about how hard it was to keep things clean with four people staying in the apartment (there was something like 10 or so at Heather's and it somehow made it out pretty damn clean). The apartment was not only trashed when I got home, but remained trashed until I got pissed and said something 3 days later.

It got cleaned then (mostly by me... again) and I told them that I didn't really care what their area looked like so long as their stuff stopped taking over the rest of the apartment and all the apartment stuff stopped getting shoved next to their bed. That lasted all of a few days. We're back to their shit all over the living room and being a general mess. I'm tired of playing maid service. But if I don't clean, then the apartment begins to look like a sty again. And then I don't want to invite friends over because I know that I'm going to have to deal with moving all their shit to make room.

Not that their stuff being everywhere is the only problem. Somehow, my stuff is getting dragged in too. I'm thrilled that Mandy and I can wear the same size clothes. And if she needs to borrow a tank top or whatever, then sure. But it's nice to be asked first, you know, given that this is my stuff. And it'd be awesome if what I own makes it back to my closet. Hell, I'd settle for stuff making it back to my room. I was given a new jacket as a late Christmas gift from one of my friends. I adore this thing. It's white with black trim, kinda 50's mod feel. It's adorable. But note that it's a white jacket. I've only worn it once or twice because I'm trying to avoid getting it dirty. I find out today that Mandy borrowed it to have Corey take pictures of her in it. Didn't ask, didn't make sure I didn't mind (I was working at Grandma's all day... a quick phone call was totally possible). I know it's not like she wore it out and all that, but for some reason this really gets under my skin.

Last night I went to bed around 4 am or so. Now... the washer is in the bathroom right next to my door. I had mentioned not doing laundry really late at night before because it gets off balanced and makes a shit ton of noise and given that it's right next to my room, it wakes me up. Mandy had put clothes into the washer and drying right about the time I was going to sleep. So I got to try and fall asleep listening to things bang around in there. And was then woken up at 9 this morning when Corey put a bunch of stuff into the dryer (which included his pants that still had a belt in them). Not surprisingly... this woke me up. None too happily either.

I recently moved my computer into my room. I was getting tired of it being the community computer. It getting a nasty worm was the final straw. My room is a bit cramped now, and I seem to spend all my time in here. Then again... when the other option is fighting for space on the couch to get control of a tv that they spend all their time watching, my options are limited. It's funny, because I'm spending this huge amount on rent, and yet the only room I see is my own. I make quick trips to the kitchen or the bathroom, but the rest of my apartment doesn't seem to be my own.

It's driving me fucking nuts. And what's worse is that as much as I'd love to kick them out, I can't. I can't afford to. Even though I'm only getting $50 a week from them, which is next to nothing, it's more then I'd get living by myself.

I found a couple wanted ads in the paper. One of them is for full time clerical work. I'm putting in an app and praying like hell. If I can get a full time job, or even another part time job that lets me pay my bills on my own, they're going to be finding somewhere new to live. Corey already knows this, or at least has an inclination since we'd talked about it before.

I miss living by myself. I miss having privacy. I miss having a clean apartment. I miss being able to afford all my bills.

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 06:13:59 GMT

God. Damn. Fucking. Hell.

FUCK YOU TOO LIFE!

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 07:46:58 GMT

Ugh.

So... in the last month or so, I've caught myself laying on the couch and having my eyes start itching and watering. At first I thought that maybe it was just something in my eyes, hair or something from the pillow.

Well in the last few days I've found myself with a constant runny nose, watery eyes, congestion-y mess of a body. It's part of the reason I stayed home from work on Saturday. I felt like absolute shit.

Woke up Sunday feeling pretty crappy still, but I needed the money and couldn't call in another day. Walked into work feeling like hell and thinking it was some bug or something. Within a couple hours though, I was back to normal. No stuffy nose, no watering eyes. Nothing. This is after a day straight of eye watering.

Came home yesterday feeling fine. Went to bed. Woke up this morning with that whole crappy feeling right back. Went to work and was fine in a couple hours. Walked back into my apartment and was back to dying within an hour.

I think... I'm allergic to my cats. I'm going to go to the store Wednesday and get some Benadryl and see if that helps me out any. Totally not getting rid of kitties or anything... this just means I need to work a bit more at keeping the apartment vacuumed and cleaned and stuff. And keep a nice supply of drugs in the medicine cabinet.

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 18:52:04 GMT

You'll never look at a pumpkin the same way.

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 04:32:50 GMT

So I'm on my way up to National's to hang out with Hilary and co. so I could meet the new boyfriend. And I'm listening to the radio and they're giving out tickets to some haunted house in Pontiac to caller X. Just for the hell of it, I tried calling. Somehow managed to win them. Yay for now having 2 tickets to Erebus that I need to go pick up. Now I just need to find someone to go with...

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 05:48:15 GMT

Today was a vast improvement upon last week. (See locked entry if you have no idea what I'm talking about.) I stayed up entirely too late last night like always. Think I finally crashed around 4. Slept in a bit this morning. Managed to tell work no when they called at 10ish to see if I could come into work today. Slept until 1 when Hilary came over. She stayed over for a couple hours before heading to class.

Hung out with Geri tonight. Which was awesome. Her and I hadn't really talked since we lived together back in Flint. Mostly because both her and I made really bad roommates. She came over around 7. We made burgers and margaritas and sat around talking until a little before 11.

Then got a call on Skype from a friend I haven't gotten a chance to talk to in a couple months. It was nice to actually get a chance to talk. As awesome as the internet can be for letting people keep in touch, subtleties in voice are completely lost in text. And emoticons are only so good for expressing sarcasm and the like.

Today was just a really good day. Plus I'm picking up an extra two hours at work tomorrow. Which is nice.

Have a Cedar Point trip planned for Saturday. Might as well make use of that season pass before the season is up. It'll be good to get one last trip in there. Plus... Halloweekends = <3

Birthday in 2 weeks. Should be amazing. Arizona in 2 weeks + 1 day. Should be more amazing.

Have I mentioned that I'm in a better mood today?

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 21:49:29 GMT

I got my paperwork back from MCC yesterday. I'm in their system now, so I can start taking classes come January. Still have to take care of things like transfer credits and placement tests. But I have a little bit of time to deal with that.

I've been...debating a bit lately. I know that I need to go back to school. That's a given. But I'm also trying to move next summer. Hmmm... by the way, to anyone that didn't know... I'm looking to move out of state next summer. Michigan holds very little to actually keep me here now. I've got one family member that I actually see on more then a semiannual basis. The job market here sucks. The vast majority of friends I talk to either live in another state already or are leaving for grad school/getting jobs/etc. very soon. The few friends I do have in the area, well, I'm sorry but that isn't enough to keep me here.

I'm still working on where I'm moving to though. Indiana is a possibility because I have a surprisingly large-ish and growing pool of friends there. (Might have something to do with most of my online friends living there.) Seattle is also a possibility. I'd love to live there. And would probably do it in a heartbeat, if it wasn't for the insanely high cost of living and the fact that I've got no ties there until Lindsay moves back to the area. Plus, I like being able to visit friends without having to buy a plane ticket...

But aaaanyway. I'm looking to move. And my mind is kinda going "hmmmm..." If you're trying to move next summer, you'll only get one semester in at MCC before you move out of state and go somewhere else. And since you're planning on continuing to work full time, you're only looking at a couple of credits. Is it really worth trying to cram some classes into your schedule, while sacrificing potential hours at work, just to get a class or two out of the way. A class or two that I'd have to pick very carefully to make sure they'd even transfer.

Hmmm. Decisions. Because I know that I need to go back to school. And I've finally got some momentum going. But it almost seems silly to take a semester there when I'd just up and switch again. Of course, there's always the chance that I'll put off moving for the following summer. In which case it'd be more then worth it to start now. Since I could potentially have my associates in that time.

Gah. I hate over thinking things. I can solve that though... I'm going to work now. Talk about an antithesis.

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 19:17:51 GMT

For anyone needing to get ahold of me, I now have unlimited texting on my phone. Shoot messages to anyet@vtext.com

Messages need to be kept short though, only the first 160 characters come through.

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 19:39:00 GMT

So there's this person. We'll call them A. I've realized that somehow, A had gotten a special set of rules applied to them. With most of my friends, I'm pretty upfront. I don't put up with bullshit, with drama, or with being led around. I hate it when someone tries to ignore what's really wrong, or they pretend like if nobody acknowledges it, it'll get better.

Hello! We all see the damn elephant. Just deal with it!

And yet... when A does it, I don't say anything. I might make an offhanded comment, but I don't call them on it. And last night I realized that the reason that A gets special rules is because I'm afraid that if I bring up the elephant, they're going to clam up and I'm going to loose them. Or worse yet, I'm going to hear something that I'd rather ignore. Kinda hypocritical, don't you think?

Do you realize what a pain in the ass this is? I see the elephant! You see the elephant! And yet... here we are pretending that there no god damn elephant.

...

I'm going to work. Maybe the mindlessness of that will bring some time to think and figure out what I want to do.

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 08:20:53 GMT

I'm doing a miserable job of sleeping right now. Too much on my mind I think.

Could someone please remind me that what I want in life is going to be tough. That nothing will be coming easy so I should just accept that already.

School is great, but I'm going to have to work 2 jobs and take out more student loans if I want a chance at taking a few classes. Work is a bitch, but to pay the bills, sometimes you have to put up with the bullshit. Love is... well. Maybe love's just impossible. But the rest of it should be doable.

...

Life sure hasn't been making things easy lately. A month ago, a stuffed animal I'd had since I was a baby was destroyed thanks to a shaky bookcase and a hot light bulb. A couple days ago, a couple of figurines (some given to me from my great grandmother from Hungary) fell off a shelf and shattered on my dresser while I was at work.

...

I can't decide if I've made the right choices in my life lately. At the time, sure they seemed right. Or at least they seemed harmless enough. And yet now I look at them, and I wonder if I had really considered anything before I made the choices I did. And how much am I willing to give up to see those choices through, even if perhaps I should reconsider. Bah. I know I won't though. Because regardless of whether it was the right choice or not, I'm determined to see it through. I can't give up now, too much at stake. Dammit. Sometimes I'm so damn stubborn.

Will somebody please come save my from myself?

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 19:56:47 GMT

I worked yesterday. Work again today. And every day through Thursday. And then I work again Saturday. Woo one day off? Most are short days though, so it's not the end of the world.

I'm going to be redoing my lj layout at some point in the near future. Not because I expect anyone else will care, but because after 3 years with the same layout, I'm ready to look at something new. Note the shiny new icon that I have, which I totally made myself from one of the xkcd webcomics. And anyone who doesn't read that, that enjoys a bit of geeky-ness, some romance, and some just plain sarcasm, they should go right now.

Lots of energy lately. I've been listening to my music 24/7 again. And sleeping funny hours (random walks through the apartment complex at 3 in the morning?). And DDRing again. And yea. It feels good. It's like I'm getting back to being me again.

Thinking about dying my hair back to red again. The black was nice for a couple days, but now it just feels really dark and blah.

Right. 40 minutes until I leave for work. Should probably go finish getting ready.

Oh. And does anyone listen to She Wants Revenge? And if so, would they be interested in going to see them at St. Andrews on Oct. 18th. Tickets are only $16. I'd love to go, but I'm not so keen on going by myself.

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 05:43:30 GMT

So it's 1:30 in the morning and I'm sitting around watching tv. And as I'm flipping through the channels, I hear what sounds like something hitting my door. And I mute the tv, and low and behold there's someone knocking at my door. And I'm really confused. Because it's 1:30 in the morning. And we have a security house that stops all cars that go through after 9 at night. So if anyone tries to come visit, I get a call on my cell phone letting me know that someone's here. The exception is Hilary, who I had put on this permanent visit list, but she has a key and has no qualms about just letting herself in.

So I get up and go look through the peep hole in the door (it's 1:30 and I'm not stupid). And it takes a second to see anything. But when I do, I realize I'm seeing flashing lights and a cop standing outside my door. That's a hell of a way to freak me out. And I'm wondering what they're doing there. Because it isn't like I've heard any fighting, or partying or anything loud so I'm so confused.

So I open up the door with probably this deer in the headlights look on my face. And he asks if I'm home by myself and if I'm alright. And I'm kinda lost at this point, but I'm telling him that yea, I'm fine, and yea, I'm home by myself. And I can tell he's looking at me like, alright, is she really home alone, or is she just saying this because she's supposed to. And after a second he says that they (at this point I have the door open and I can see there are cop cars driving up and down the roads along the apartments, lights flashing, spotlights scanning) are looking for "someone" who might be in the complex and that they saw that my screen door was off it's track and wanted to make sure that nobody had broken in. (My screen door came off the track last week when the cat ran into it chasing after birds.)

Yea... Told him I was fine, he went back to the car. I walked inside and immediately made sure all the doors and windows were locked. And now like every bump and knock are making me look around like... what was that?

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 08:40:40 GMT

I hate to think that my life will one day be filled with what if's. And I'm starting to realize that no matter how hard I try, or what I do, there will always be at least a few. It's impossible to make a decision without there being some other situation that could have occurred. And to look back on those decisions, there will always have been some other outcome had I made some other choice.

I try to live my life without regret. I don't want to look back at what I've done in my life and think how horrible some situation was. I don't want to go through life living in a world where I hate the decisions I made. If I learned from it, then it was worth it in some way. And yet regret over choices not made are so much harder to deal with.

This seems entirely too philosophical for 4:30 in the morning. This is what happens without enough social exposure. I miss random, rambling phone calls with no point. They seem to ease my mind.

LiveJournal auto-post

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 00:06:22 GMT

How should your friends respond to this entry?LiveJournal UsernameAgeSexYes please!FemaleMaleA secret must be told to you by:bzar_new_lifeA compliment must be left by:silverdragon234However, a complaint about you should be going to sleep.

You'll realize that you can be girl, and that you are strong?
To live in this house, emotionally and mentally, you need to be. Physically... not so much.

24. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
I am finding more and more everyday.

~ the stubborness that was instilled in me. I never want to give up hope that AOL and livejournal would work. I mean, it keeps dosconnecting and being stupid. Oh well. I guess I'll have to sleep instead. Hopefully I don't wake up the same way the act with others. definately Iago fits this.
sexual values: Woman are allowed to do be a little "loose" so long as we still agree on the colors and which walls are getting painted, then with any luck I can get a different minor and do anything from deciferring old languages or work for the government on document authenticity or whatever. And if I can't, well, I'll just sit there and let you tell me anything you want to. But if you don't want yourfamily,friends to worry about paying for their own shit. But on the
same note, I won't say that I hate to seem bitchy just because I know I was thinking about writing a long entry. But I don't really know where I want to be over him and not think about him ever again. It hurts so much to be done? I miss the people I used to talk about the random things with. If you read this, I'm sorry I never call you like I said I would. I always grab the phone and think about lots of money. Heh... if only.

So I'd have to find someone working in the flint area, b) going to school in London for two years straight.

He laughed. Said that it'd be just long enough to pick up a cool accent. And then I'd come home and all the lovely chest stuff is breaking up (which is a pain in the ass. Hmmm... anyone wanna come live in Flint for six months out of the year? It'll only be $275 a month. *sigh* Didn't think so.

Alright. I think I have homework I'm supposed to be at Hilary's. Going over tomorrow night instead.

Have I mentioned that I should have been saying all
along. But I was trying to survive in a world that he didn't want the cops to find out that they don't have and fucking money. Now the FAFSA didn't really give a shit anyway.

*sigh* Deep breath. Yeah. Not the greatest of days. I'm a good four pages into my AP English paper and have decided that the vast majority of it is her business. Now I know there are some people who are going to be spent having a pizza party? Yeah. Thursday will be great.

And then we're going up north Friday. I think around noon, depending on how late my dad works. Up north until Monday night. Then we come home and all the things you have to do is make sure I see them next time I come down. Which I'm totally looking forward to.

But so yeah. My parents wanted me home around 12. No big deal right? Well, we ended up coming up with the fact that I'm starting earlier is a good way incase I forget people. I'll remind you all as we get close. Money is always appreciated. lol.

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:16:04 GMT

New tattoo!!!

http://kettering.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2012361&l=50427&id=53800669